Impressed by his ability to falsify facts, rebut even the darkest reality of government’s inaction and inability, to prevaricate common man by issuing eye-catching advertisements besides his expertise in fabricating wanton lies, Jammu and Kashmir government has aptly appointed Nadaan Director General of Information Department.
Unflinching powers have been given to him through an issued by Mukhiya Mantri of the state. His day one in office was marred by a controversy over advertisements being issued to recognized, established and widely read newspapers but habitual of unveiling hidden agenda of organisations, establishments, political parties, administrative offices and other higher echelons of power.
Perplexed ‘Nadaan‘ wanted to know why those reporting truth with valor are being fed from the taxes being paid by the common man. ‘Nadaan’ wanted detailed account of anti-corrupt and pro-people activities of all those newspapers who were being ‘accommodated’ by department. He rung-up his officials and told them in categorical terms not to ‘appease’ newspapers who haven’t learnt lesson of being loyal to the chair and at times, accommodating the request of government to desist from giving space to public grievances vis-à-vis flaws in the state administration.
Nadaan further directed officials to frame a charter of rules which newspapers would have to follow for getting government advertisements. He constituted a committee headed by via-bhathinda IAS officer to frame the charter of rules. The committee began its work and within seven days came up with a document which was sent to Mukhiya Mantri who duly appreciated the same and thereafter, directed the department to get the same printed in the form of a booklet, to be later circulated among the newspapers.
The charter of rules read somewhat like this.
Rule no 1: Newspapers must publish 10 to 15 photographs of Mukhiya Mantri on a routine basis.
Rule no.2: They must highlight achievements of corrupt, nepotist and opportunist mantris and Babus while desisting from publishing any reality which would impact their career statistics.
Rule no.3: Newspapers must not air public grievances vehemently and instead, forward the same secretly to the state government. Brutalized bodies and souls have a habit of wailing over trivial issues which cannot be tolerated at the administrative level.
Rule no.4: Newspapers must follow set precedent of lying vehemently since thousand lies give birth to one truth. They must join a coaching classes run by expert liars of the country to learn the art of deception. This would increase their circulation since taste of the common man has changed. He is dying to read “good news”. If one lie can save a precious human life, the same should be told shamelessly.
Rule no.5: Newspapers should have no policy of their own. Their policy should be government policy since IAS, IFS, IPS and via-bhathinda officers are better equipped to frame a policy for these newspapers where their is scarcity of “well-read journalists”.
Rule no.6: Newspapers must depute journalists to accompany and for that matter, editors would be welcome to accompany Mukhiya Mantri to his private parties and trips. Department would bear the expenses out of the hard-earned money of the common man. Besides, they would be given logistic and material support whenever they need the same.
Rule no.7: Newspapers should get their editorials duly checked by the DG (Information) before publishing the same. Editorials and opinion pieces have the potential of bringing revolutionary changes in the thinking prowess of common man which is not good both for the society as well as the establishment. Getting the editorials vetted by the head of the information department would help in the maintenance of law and order.
Rule no.8: Those newspapers who would keep the national interest ahead of public interest would be honored every year with “Shaan-e-Journalism” award or in other words “Pride of Sahafat“ award. The award is exclusively meant for those who would prove their honesty in the eyes of the state government and in particular, Mukhiya Mantri.
Nadaan signed this charter of rules and sent it for publishing. A booklet was published and has reportedly been sent to the newspapers. Barring a few anti-national and pro-people newspaperwallas, all have appreciated government’s charter of rules and assured the government to follow it in latter and spirit.
Nadaan has run helter-skelter to inform the Mukhiya Mantri’s office that he has succeeded in his mission. But Alas! Mukhiya Mantriwho got this charter of rules framed has demitted the office over an allegations leveled by an “Ehtisaab seeking” lawyer who also has much to explain about his private life.